You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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