Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
