I seem to have left my pride at pride
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
