Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
