nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
