The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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