I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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