I will die if light touches me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
