Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
