I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
