pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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