How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
