the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
