Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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