Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
