Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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