She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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