why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
