well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
