I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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