Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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