i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
