If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
