After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
