I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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