You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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