Michael Bay diarrhea
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I understand Curling. That high.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize