if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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