It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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