I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?