fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
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you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night