i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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