Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.