i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it