So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.