i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.