I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day