this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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