these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Boobs are out for the taking
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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