He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
