I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
