i permit you to call me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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