There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
