Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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