From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
