Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
