My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
