Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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