ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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