I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
