when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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