god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
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There r osticjed everywhere
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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