Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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