Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
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In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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