Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
