paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
