those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
