I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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