Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
