With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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