this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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