My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
