I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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