Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
