i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
