HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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