Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
