You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.