She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on