I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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