did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
