her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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