He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Houston, we have a squirter
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
