And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
